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Posted by: Doctor Who on 2010-03-09, 02:39:24
Step 1 Realize that you are NOT alone! It may feel like you are the only two people in the world that are dealing with these infertility issues, but you are normal. The best thing I ever did was start a blog on the world wide web where I began signing up for blogrings that dealt with infertility. Through these blogrings, I was able to meet people who had stories very similar to mine. It was so nice to be able to talk with someone who actually understood not only what my body was doing, but also the emotions that accompanied it. If you are not a blogger, there are infertility support groups in many cities in the United States. Ask your doctor if he or she knows of any that she can recommend you to. Some are held in churches and some are community-wide groups. Infertility is something that goes along with grief. People dealing with grief need support. Surround yourself with supportive people. Step 2 Read, read, read. Research, research, research. I have learned that I knew so LITTLE about my own fertility before I began this battle. The internet is a good place to start, but also have your doctor recommend good articles and books for you about the simple processes involved in fertility. Step 3 Don't take "no " for an answer. Doctors can be wrong. It is true. Sometimes doctors think they know what is wrong with you, but they are willing to settle. Do not settle until you have some answers as to WHY you are dealing with infertility. Until you know the reason, there is nothing you can do to change it. One of the hardest things to deal with is to hear that you have "unexplained " infertility. If this is the case, continue seeking answers. The truth is, you may never find out the cause of your infertility. But, continue seeking out as many answers as the medical field can give you. If this means you have to switch doctors ten times, be willing to do that. Step 4 Get involved in something that you are absolutely passionate about. If you are surrounding yourself with nothing but your battle with infertility: temping every morning, measuring your cervical mucous (CM), going to doctors appointments, filling prescriptions, poking yourself with needles....not to mention the actual act of trying to conceive, soon your entire world will be wrapped up in this one single thing. If you get a hobby or something that you can think about besides your infertility, you will give your mind somewhere else to have an outlet. Without this outlet, you will be doing nothing but setting yourself up for a huge emotional breakdown. Step 5 Allow yourself the time and space to grieve. Grieving is a process that does take some time. Sometimes your spouse will understand your tears and your anger, but other times you will feel alone in this. Allow yourself time to grieve whether through a journal, writing letters, talking with an old friend, reading your Bible or blogging. Only through this will healing eventually occur. Step 6 Do not be afraid to say no! Depending on your time of the month, which many times goes along with your emotional state, you do not feel like being around other pregnant women! Now you will begin to notice all of the baby showers and pregnancy announcements. You do not have to attend these events. If you feel that it would be better for your own emotional health to stay home, do it and do not feel guilty! If that person is truly your friend, she will understand. Step 7 Begin to research all the methods there are of becoming parents, including the moral implications of each according to your own values and beliefs. There are many medical avenues to follow including sperm insemination and invitro fertilization. There is also surrogacy and frozen egg adoption. There is also foster care and international and domestic adoption. With research will come peace and hope! If you want to be a parent, there are so many ways to be just that. Remember, parents are not simply people who's sperm and egg combined the "easy " way. Step 8 Some of the hardest things to deal with in the infertility battle are the comments from others. Some of those comments are very means and hurtful. Many are naïve. Some people simply do not know what to say. My tip is to have some ready-made answers on the tip of your tongue, so you are not stuck saying nothing and then bursting into tears (I have been there!). So, spend some time in your less emotional moments and try to come up with something to say if someone asks you why you do not have children yet. Agree on that answer with your spouse or significant other. Also come up with a few good comments to hurtful comments like "just relax and it will happen " or "you don't want kids anyway because they are noisy and take up too much time. " Believe me. I have had all the comments. Nothing hurts worse. Know that up front. It always helps to have an answer ready to share. |
